Can we go back?

Is it possible to be someone you used to be? Can you be someone who is one way then goes through something tragic, and then go back to being the way you were? Whether it’s an event, an occurrence, something simple or something life-altering…you need to grow from it in order to move past it, so essentially, there’s only movement in one direction. How can you go back? People change and adapt to their environment, we need to in order to survive. We can go from fearless to fearful, loving to unloved, happy to depressed and vice versa. We fear the unknown, it’s only natural, and while we may not fear the dark we do fear what can happen in the dark. We can be calm and rational until we get eaten away inside and the rage releases itself from its chamber. But can we go back? Truth is, I don’t think so. How can we unsee something we’ve seen? Unhear something we’ve heard? Undo something we’ve done? Unsaid something we’ve said? Unvictimize a victim? Unabuse the abused? We can’t reclaim our innocence. We can’t regain our blindness to such a dirty, dark world.

I wish we could…go back, I mean. There’s so many times that I look at who I am and who I can be and wonder where I would be now if things in my past went differently. If so many “lessons” hadn’t been learned, would I still have the control issues that haunt me? Would I still fear that I could be lost to the monster that may hide inside? Would it even matter? If things were different during times in my past, would I still need the adrenaline rush to fight my boredom? We change, we adapt, we lose our innocence, we lose our passion for all things simple. Is it really for the best?

Copyright © 2008 - Heather Cacciatori

Together

Every now and again
There comes along a special friend.
Someone who understands...
Someone you're not afraid to let in.

You are that special friend, my dear.
Here we are now--you and I
Taking life by the throat
And making sweet memories as time goes on by.

Together we have shared a thousand dreams
And we have shed a thousand tears.
Together we have shared a million laughs
And we have faced our many fears.

Since forever we have shared our many joys
And for just as long, we have shared our opinionated insight.
We have shared our smiles a million different days
And we have cried our tears silently for a thousand nights.

A thousand hopes have been scattered at our feet
And together a thousand dreams have come true.
So many times that we felt we were beat
But together...we would always pull through.

There were so many times I thought I was lost
But then I'd find you beside me or on the phone.
It wasn't so long ago, I thought you had left me
But now I know that you'll never make me stand alone.

Thank you for standing beside me
When life just didn't seem fair.
I don't know how you do it
But thank you for always being there!



Copyright © 1995 - Heather Cacciatori

Forgotten Symbol

Tumbling around in my head, so many words have been spoken...thrown away...given up in sacrifice. Not to a God or a goddess but tossed around in anger, hurt, betrayal, and love. Words speak a language, but actions speak of their own motives. Something so simple as a symbol of an undying love hastily removed in anger and pressed into the palm of a now tortured lover. Where there was a will and a way to overcome all odds, now there is an acid-laced hole where faith and devotion once lived. How do you fix the hole that was so easily burned? Does anything neutralize it from growing larger and more demanding? Is there a solution or a treatment that can fix it...repair it as though it never occurred? There is no ready answer...no secret revelation in waiting. A racing mind and an unsteady heart is what remains, neither one able to survive without the other yet both always willing to try. The acid made its' way throughout the soul and left a trail of fire in its wake, burning fast yet trying to be put out at the same time. Neither wish is successful, it just makes the mind run faster - possibly pushing it harder than it needs to be pushed. What remains is left to be unseen by unforgiving eyes. Unforgiving eyes that already see too much when it comes to the tortured soul beneath. The inner eyes are a strong, strange and powerful beast - a beast that feeds on inner turmoil and confusion... a beast that loves to tell you where you went wrong...and a beast that will claw its way through all remaining innocence until all is possibly lost and a decision has been reached and held in a firm grasp. There is no easy answer and no easy emotion. There's nowhere to hide until all inner sanctions have been breached and a strangled cry has been released to be heard by ears that may also be unforgiving. Something so simple as a symbol removed wreaks more havoc than any words that could have been said...spoken or not.




Copyright © August 2005 - Heather Cacciatori