Dark Consumption

Things go well. Days proceed as they should - tasks get accomplished, and work gets completed. Every now and again, though, the darkness creeps up inside me and wreaks havoc with my happiness. Doubts set in and darkness settles upon my soul. The light fizzles and the warmth in my heart feels like a chilly rock of ice. Emotions leave me and loneliness fills me.

She doesn’t understand when this happens. She fears it’s because of her, but in all reality it’s all about me...only about me. I create it within myself somehow, knowing one day it will consume me. I wonder if I even have the ability to simply love. I think I have it mastered, then this lonely darkness makes me question it and hold people at bay.

One day she will catch on that I cannot allow her closer - not because I’m unwilling, but because I do not have the capabilities to do so. Maybe I’m afraid of future pain, both causing it and receiving it. Maybe I’m simply not cut out for a lifetime partnership. I do believe, however, that there will come a day she will cut the cord and sever the tie. When that time comes, the only blame I can lay will be my own...as I know this darkness exists and yet I continue to pretend it doesn’t. It will catch up to me...one day.


December 2009 - Heather Cacciatori

Miss Me, Baby

Miss me baby, you know I'm gone,
Remember me when you hear our song.
When you see the stars ahigh,
Don't just walk away and sigh.
See my face with eyes so bright,
Smiling up to you in the night.
Remember all the feelings we shared,
And all the times you said you cared.

Remember the touch of my lips so soft,
That night we spent up in the loft.
Hear my voice crying out to you in the night,
When we made love 'till the morning light.
Remember my touch,
Remember my feel.
Miss me baby, you know I'm gone,
Remember me when you hear our song.



Copyright © 1997 - Heather Cacciatori

Forgiveness

Forgiveness...
A word, a line,
Something to say in order to move on.
Do I mean it? Do you?
Can we truly just walk on and act as if all is ok?
I forgive but cannot forget, so do I truly forgive at all?

You act like nothing ever happened.
I watch you with her, with them, holding their little hands
Ensuring them they are safe to grow up in the cruel world.
Have you changed enough to keep them safe?

They look up to you with hopeful eyes and trustful hearts.
A harsh past not too far behind.
You took them in with open arms and promised that things would change.
Have you grown enough to deliver?

How many chances do you get to get it right?
How long will it take before they, too, are forgotten and pushed aside?
No, not this time… This is different, born of guilt and need.

I’m old enough now to keep my head high and pretend things are fine.
We get together and fake a life that never happened…
A set of years that never existed.

I do not hold it against you.
How can I when the rug has been walked over time after time?
I can’t even state it hurts any longer,
As I’ve been numb for so long.
My mind holds the file tight, though,
Keeping my body and heart prepared.

With this said,
I guess I can forgive
Even though I can’t forget.

Copyright © December 2009 - Heather Cacciatori